‘The One’ Isn’t The Person Who Loves You Most, But The Person Who Understands You Best


Writer Paul Hudson marvels at the strong bond that’s created by true love.


We all want love, but we don’t always know what exactly to look for. There are many people on this planet, all slightly different from the next. Each individual looks differently, acts differently, has different traits, characteristics and habits. We all want love because we know, or have heard, how amazingly euphoric it feels.

We want to be in love because it makes us feel good. As an added bonus, to love someone has an intrinsic sense of nobility to it – to love is to be good, to do right, to live correctly. The concept of love boosts your ego immensely. But there’s more to it, isn’t there? The reason we hold love in such high regard is because it is said that to truly love means to be selfless.

When you love someone, you hold his or her well-being on the same level as your own, occasionally even higher. The reason for this is that you see something in that person that makes you feel as if he or she is a part of you – a part you can’t live happily without. You relate. You understand each other on a deeply meaningful level.

I believe that human beings are only searching for two things in life: to be remembered and to be understood. Love is the fusion of both these two basic psychological needs. It’s finding that person that sees you as you, that relates to you and truly understands you, that is finding love. In all honesty, it isn’t a simple task defining the sort of understanding that I am describing here.

It’s almost as if it goes beyond understanding to knowing – the right person is the person that somehow, by whatever miracle, knows you. He or she knows you and knows you all the way to the deepest and darkest corners of you. He or she knows and understands you without you having to tell him or her all of your secrets, as if he or she were in on them from the start. He or she knows you in a way that no one else knows you. Hell, he or she may very well know you better than you know yourself.


You connect because there is something about the two of you that you can relate on, something that links you together and makes you feel as if you found the missing piece of your puzzle. You recognize each other as part of the other. You may be different in a million ways, but there is some way, some invisible force that draws the two of you together.

You feel as if you were two sides of the same coin, and for this reason may very well understand things about the person you love that he or she has yet to discover on his or her own. What makes life such a profound and transformative experience is that it literally changes us. We get introduced to ourselves more intimately and begin to unravel that mystery that we were born with. Once in love, you feel as if you understand both yourself and the world a bit better.

All this is because you found that person who understands you in a way that no one else does. That’s basically what it really comes down to. Sure, appearances, chemistry, life goals and whatnot also matter, but, in the end, if you don’t have this understanding of each other, then you won’t last.

The spark that we so often hear of is that moment that we come to learn that we have found someone who knows us like no other. It’s the light that pushes back the shadows and gives us a brighter look at our reality. This means that the only way to really keep that spark alive is never to stop our lovers from growing as individuals, but instead to constantly be the light that helps reveal them to themselves.

What most people fail to realize, or fail to accept, is that understanding something, a living something, is to only understand it at the moment of understanding. Living things change with time; every second something changes and your understanding is incomplete.

This is even more obvious when it comes to people. People change. They change all the time. Sure, some of their major principles may remain intact over the years, but nevertheless these people will change in other ways.

With time, people either get to know themselves better or get further caught up in their delusions. Time doesn’t always bring knowledge and understanding – not unless we continue to observe, learn and interact. Life is an enormous mystery, and we ourselves the pinnacle of wonder.

We shouldn’t exist. There’s plenty there to work on understanding for the rest of your life. But you have to remain curious and have someone there who can help you. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone.

What do you think?