We all know that one customer, the guy who makes it hard for the people who are just working there, and along the way, everyone else in the store. We all wish we could do something about that person.
Here’s a nice little story of revenge, that we can’t all pull off, but we’d all love to see.
Customer #1: “Thank God, this line is taking forever.”
(There is no line at all, although the tables are mostly occupied.)
Me: “Sorry about the wait, sir. May I take your order?”
(The customer proceeds to rattle off a long, confusing, and often contradictory order, including such things as a meatless ham sandwich.)
Me: “Sir, I’m a little confused by your order. Do you mean—”
Customer #1: “—oh for God’s sake, I have to repeat myself now? Weren’t you paying attention the first time?”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t want to get anything wrong. You made a big order, and—”
Customer #1: *sighs* “I’ll repeat myself, but just this once. I hate dealing with lazy ignorant dropouts like you.”
(He repeats his order, but I understand it even less because I am trying not to cry. He finishes speaking and snaps his fingers at me.)
Customer #1: “Hello?! Punch it in, you dumb b****. I haven’t got all day, and—”
(Suddenly one of the other customers; a strongly-built man who has been quietly sitting at a nearby table, roars and leaps to his feet, flipping the table and spilling his coffee in the process.)
Customer #2: “GOD-D*** IT! ONE DAY OUT OF PRISON, AND ALREADY I HAVE TO MURDER AN IDIOT IN A COFFEE STORE!”
(The rude customer shrieks and flees from the store. I and the remaining customers stare at the man, who quietly picks up the table and comes over to the counter.)
Customer #2: “I’ll pay for any damage. If you could show me where the mops are, I’ll take care of the mess too.”
Me: “I-I-I, um…”
Customer #2: “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. There’s always gonna be an a** like that around.”
Me: “Uh, you, um…”
Customer #2: “Oh, the prison thing?” *laughs* “Never been in jail in my life. So, anyway, where’s that mop?”
